Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Some days it's like 'Waiting for Godot"

Only I know our Godot will arrive.

Four months have passed in my adoption paper pregnancy and I am dangerously close to the day where all I can simply do is wait and ask God for help. I tingle thinking of my small part of this adoption, all this paperwork, coming to an end.

My consumption of paperwork for eighteen weeks has been a heavy diet. Scrambling around getting signatures and notaries, and nagging my husband to 'do his part' (translation, the stuff I can't bring myself to tackle), I've walked around the house with my shoulders perpetually up near the tops of my ears.

Now in my blue notebook with large thick letters spelling 'dossier', document after document is socked away, signed and sealed and ready for approval, 'paper gold', to send to Eastern Europe to be translated and submitted to a group of people in crumbly suits, sitting lazily in a boring beige room, drinking black sludge and looking for uncrossed 'T's' and crooked notary stamps on the white pages. Four documents or so are all that's left before the whole notebook will be checked.

And we will wait for our Godot...a little girl with big blue eyes and low muscle tone, who has sat under a tree waiting for her Godot for almost two and a half years, never really believing anyone would come.

Ours will be an unforgettable reunion, a mother meeting her daughter who has grown in her heart but outside of her body, sisters welcoming another into the fold, a dad who stands amazed at the things God has asked him to do and yet so thankful for the opportunity to welcome a child unto himself just like his heavenly father has done for him.

So far this process at times has made me scream out loud, to throw up my arms in frustration and to cry quietly on my husband's shoulder, certain that a document is incorrect but deeper, certain that I cannot, in actuality, care and love for another little girl the way I am acting like I will.

So I wait for our little Godot, knowing that with her presence in our family a vat of love will suddenly appear, enough to pour over her, her sisters, over all of us really. That's just how God works.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." -Luke 18:16