Sunday, August 30, 2009

Her Dedication

Today we had Evangeline's baby dedication at church.

It's hard enough for me to believe I am a mother of four. But when I think about what it took for Evie to become a part of our family; all the paperwork and money and seven weeks in Ukraine and prayer and worry.

Such a huge struggle for us. All insurmountable to God.

As we stood in front of our church family and friends and my family who came from Michigan to be with us; Sergei prayed for Evie in Russian and used anointing oil to bless her eyes and ears and hands and feet and speech to God.

Three and a half years ago, after Polly was born, I cried through her baby dedication at our church in Michigan. I had no idea what God was doing with our lives; I struggled to imagine myself successful as a mother to a child with 'special needs.' At the time, I honestly thought that my life was robbed of future happiness.

I had a lot to learn.

Today, Sergei's sermon was about adoption; how we, as believers, are adopted into God's family through Christ.

And during the time of dedication as I held on to sleepy Evie and as Elaina tried her best to look as old as possible (she's turning nine next month); and as Zoya stood staring down at her feet and Polly tried to overthrow Sergei's position of pastor at the pulpit; I watched my husband pray for this new daughter of our heart; born of another womb...

and I was thankful.

I have no idea what tomorrow holds. These past few weeks I've struggled with mustering a mother's love for Evie while appeasing my older girls with crafts and walks to the park on the corner, during these last, long summer days and I've made deals with Polly in order to spend time getting to know Evangeline.

Each day comes with it's own messiness and I, like the next lady staying at home with her kids down the street, lose my composure hourly, always wishing I was a better mother and yet, coming to terms with the woman standing in front of her children today.

But I'm still thankful, even though I am so not who I want to be and sometimes my kids are not who I want them to be either.

We have health and a strong roof and each other.

Today, our prayer of dedication of Evie for me, really, was once again telling God that although his plan has not, at times, been ours; we are here, ready, and in spite of washing up pretty and singing loudly at church we are wishing like hell that we can become more like him.

And I truly believe that bringing Evangeline home with us will help us in that pursuit and more importantly, for whatever reason, it's what God has asked us to do.

Today, I was able to dedicate Evie to the Lord with happiness.

That means a lot.